Surat Maklum Balas to SL*

Hey you!

I tak tau nak cakap how disappointed I am when you said no to me semalam, tau. But I guess I could feel it in my bones that we weren't a good match. But I gave my all when we borak-borak the other day, and I truly did show you my true colors sebab you cakap you nak get to know me, kan? But lepas I left the room, my heart wasn't racing and my stomach wasn't doing somersaults like it usually does after I tau I aced something. It didn't get that "I hit jackpot" feeling. Not like the time I talked to Darby baby or Banky the hunk, tau. Memang the feeling was different.

Yelah, mana taknya, I rasa macam I bimbo mana duduk dalam bilik tu, surrounded by you and four other friends. "Acquaintances" you cakap, padahal semua judging me, taking notes of my every gesture. Banyak benda kalau boleh I nak cakap kat you haritu. Tapi biasalah, to err is human. Apa I cakap haritu half of what I really felt and wanted tell you. Pendek kata, shit happens all the time, kan?

Frankly, I tak bengang. I faham you had to choose the right person. And I definitely didn't do myself any justice masa kita bersua tempoh hari. Kita tak ada jodoh, what to do, kan? I taknak lah "hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong". I shall practice losing with grace, ni.

Actually, nak cakap sikit, you listen, okay? Terharu pun ada you pandang I yang tak seberapa lawa, tak seberapa pandai or tak seberapa impressive ni. Dalam banyak-banyak calon you, you gave me the chance to get know you better, and I can't help but say memang my goal in life is to cari someone like you lah. For now, you're my short term goal, and also long-term, say 20 tahun lagi, memang I see myself alongside someone like you.

Right now, since you dah remukkan impian Sonata musim Panas I dengan you di bumi Amerika Utara ni, hati I nekad untuk cari a pengganti in the place I call home. Home is always where the heart is. And bila I ponder about this again, lagilah I rasa terpanggil nak cuba plan-plan menarik kita di Malaysia. I masih muda, banyak lagi keringat yang boleh I taburkan dekat tanah air I. Mungkin betul orang kata, everything happens for a reason, kan? Maybe banyak benda tunggu I? Maybe this is the best way for both of us?

I can't approach you again, bukan sebab malu, tapi sebab next year I ada plan lain up my sleeves lah. But I doakan that I find somebody like you cuti ni. Kalau tidak, I akan cari orang yang mediocre je, someone I like so-so tapi tak lust for (macam I lust for you), and usha lagi orang-orang macam you.

Always,
NJ

N.B.
SL: Summer Links 2009