What's Floating NJ's Boat?

Punca-punca keterapungan bot/sampan/perahu Nurjannah:
Masalah subletter? Setel!

Date: Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:23:14 -0600
From: Rachel Belanger  
Subject: Re: 54th & Cornell, Jan-March 2010, $500
To: NJ

Hey NJ,

Is your room still available to sublet? I've explored a couple other options, and yours is my best one. It would be great to meet your roommate before totally committing, but I'm sure I'd be able to live with her. Let me know what's next...

Thanks!

Rachel

Gadis yang akan mengambil alih bilik saya benar-benar wujud, in the flesh bak kata orang putih; dan saya sudah pun bertemu dengannya dua hari yang lepas. It's a small world after all, kerana kami rupa-rupanya pernah mengambil kursus Environmental Studies bersama-sama.

Kami juga telah mengumpat tentang pensyarah kursus itu yang bosan lagi memualkan, Sir Peter Crane, (ya, he was knighted for his contributions to the Kew Botanical Gardens. Agak cool, tapi faktor ini will be discounted bila anda masuk kelasnya dan lihat kaca mata, pakaian serta intonasi suaranya yang boring).

Beliau adalah epitomi kepada segala stereotype yang wujud dalam kepala otak saya tentang kebosanan orang Inggeris (as opposed to Anglo Americans). Jangan tanya saya kenapa, but I'm averse to a lot of things British. Mintak simpang malaikat 44 jika saya perlu menonton wayang-wayang British. Sangat tak kuasa. Dahla gigi kuning and tak handsome (with the exception of Ed Westwick). And I digress.

Tidak akan menghadapi set masalah ekonomi dan statistik. Selama-lamanya!
Okay, I lied. Bukan selama-lamanya, only in my dreams. Well, sekurang-kurangnya buat 4 bulan yang akan datang. Juga ingin dimaklumkan di sini saya kini tidak sebodoh IT yang disangkakan kerana semalam, saya telah berjaya mengguna R, statistical software yang digunakan untuk kelas Statistik. Pada firasat saya, R adalah sejuta kali lebih user friendly berbanding Matlab. Pencipta R wajar menerima Nobel Prize. Terima kasih kerana membuat orang yang paling bodoh IT rasa pandai sebentar. By the by, kalau awak dah pernah nampak saya kecoh tentang ini, diam-diam sahaja. I've said it once, and I'm going to say it again, Statistics suck balls!

Berjaya mengecek Papanya untuk mendahului tambang perjalanan Cape Town ke Chicago.
Kejayaan ini telah dikecapi beberapa minggu yang lalu, melalui panggilan telefon yang sangat panjang, namun the euphoria baru kick in. Kenapa lampi sangat? Sebab saya baru sahaja short of $4000 setelah membayar yuran program ke Cape Town, dan apa-apa handout yang boleh disumbangkan adalah sangat bermakna kini. Of course, operasi untuk menukar cash advance ini kepada convertible loan/stipend akan dijalankan. Proses mengecek fasa 2 akan dilancarkan, jangan risau.

First fall of snowflakes on my shoulders
Maklumlah, awal-awal musim salju memang sexciting. Tunggulah 3, 4 minggu nanti when the novelty wears off, akan saya complain pasal sejuk nak mampus, inches of snow yang oh-so-annoying.

Now that you are privy to my source of transient happiness, you should know that hell awaits me. Sila wish me good luck dan beri sokongan padu dan jitu kerana saya akan cuba jadi Superwoman untuk buat (dan fail) segala-galanya. Nothing short than suicide, Kamikaze style!

The Masterplan

I will come full-frontal and tell you this: I make lists for everything. Well, at least I try to. Grocery lists, to-do lists, shopping lists, bill breakdowns; those are a must. About a month after my return to the blogging arena, I came up with a list of things I wanted talk about. I even coined cool (or so I think) titles to complement them, none of which ever came about.

A list of "Songs To Be Downloaded/Copied" also remains on my widget notepad to this day. My most recent endeavor was to prepare a list of books I wanted to read for my 3-month break from college and you know this is not happening because I promised myself to only buy used books online. A list of "Books To Be Bought On Amazon" would soon be drafted and--I'm almost certain--left untouched.

The irony is that I made a "Things I Would Never Do, Just Because" list that I seem to be checking off (or unchecking-off, depending on how you choose to perceive it) one-by-one. For your reference, the list:

1. Do anything to my hair (including perm, but especially color). CHECK (By perming).
   
2. Smoke (shisha or hookah not an exception). CHECK (Twice, on hookah).
   
3. Have more than one piercing. CHECK (Ear cartilage piercing, birthday treat to myself from myself)
4. Swim in a swimming pool with clothes (I believe in swimsuits for swimming pools). CHECK (I was doing well until yesterday, goddamit).
5. Vomit (self-induced or not).
6. Go on a diet.
7. Take painkillers.
   

To digress a little, yes, I have never puked in my 20 years of life. To go through life without puking is my aspiration, and we will have to wait 10 years down the road to see if morning sickness gets the best of me (I do plan to have kids, you know?). And god forbid I should ever have to go on a diet or take painkillers.

So there is a conundrum. I am itching to make a list, a list of "Adventurous Endeavors I Shall Partake In".

Before I die and utter the Kalimah Syahadah (InsyaAllah), I may want to go sky diving with a colorful parachute; take a jumping snapshot on the Y of the "Hollywood" at Hollywood; camwhore on a hot air balloon; drive a mini lorry; try bungee jumping, walk backwards on the Taman Negara Pahang suspension bridge; go skinny dipping (but wear a lifejacket since I'm afraid of deep waters) with my husband somewhere in the Caribbeans.

But once they are set in stone, written in black and white, typed on a screen, whatever it may be, I will not be able to attain them, won't I? Shall I make a non-list; a list that finds form in my thoughts and dreams, only to be coughed out once realized? For starters, here's one:

1. Rock-climbing. CHECK (Thanks to climbing enthusiast, Zyra. And to the Almighty that I am still in one piece despite my angst and "Takde tenagalah" screams on the way up)
2. Get dumped into the sea 6 times (no, 7, if you count the time when my wonderful friends leaned backwards, making us all vulnerable to the big, open Port Dickson sea) from a banana boat. CHECK (with a bruised left cheek and aching limbs to account for it)
3. Ride backwards on a banana boat and get dumped into the sea. CHECK (activity was carried out with screams that pierced the blue sky, most definitely).
4. Flying fox, abseiling, repelling. CHECK (achieved throughout my 10 years of schooling, but hope to be checked twice).
5. Bathe stark naked in the dark, with friends AND random acquaintances of the same gender, from a suspicious looking kolah. CHECK (Kem Terendak, Melaka was all military style; need I say more?)
   
6. Walk around naked in a dormitory bathroom. CHECK (I was after all, a victim of a friend's towel-hiding scheme).
7. Leave my brassiere (the common term sounds, well, too common) in a male friend's car and be forever scarred and humiliated. Sigh, CHECK.

Keep the adventures and misadventures coming, buddies! I have but one life to live and we all know that life's row boat should go merrily up the stream. "Bare" with me here, ha ha.

NJ Like New Jersey

N
Nurjannah Iman Hani Komar
Buang sayok
Jannah
Mak Nenek
Anak Cik Mat
Nurjannah
Syaq
Qek
Yoda
Njill
Memerang
Njot
Njos
Nurjanni
Amani
Pendek
N*jis
Murai

Despite this list of appellations designated to me, I don't grasp why people say Angie instead of NJ. The nama timangan Mak Nenek circa 1990s doesn't irk me as much. Go figure. Ha ha.

Tips Rumahtangga Bahagia

Setelah membaca karya ini, saya amat terpanggil untuk berkongsi beberapa tips bagi menumpaskan musuh utama semua rumahtangga. Oh, bukannya orang ketiga seperti anak dara seksi di rumah seberang atau bujang lapuk yang suka separuh bogel membasuh kereta di hadapan isteri anda. Racun perosak, makhluk perosak dan yang seangkatan dengan mereka lah!

Bagi mereka yang perlukan pertolongan yang lebih grafik: ya, lipas, tikus, nyamuk, dan segala macam binatang kecil yang busuk, suka curi makanan atau merosakkan barangan di rumah kediaman tergolong dalam golongan yang membinasakan dan perlu dibinasakan. Jangan biarkan mereka berleluasa, itu yang pasti. Anda harus proaktif sebelum mereka mengawal rumahtangga anda.

Saya menyaksikan sendiri kerakusan Cik Ti menggigit talian telefon, baju-baju serta meninggalkan roti yang berlubang. Jangan sesekali anda cuba tunjuk pandai dan makan sisa Cik Ti, kerana anda boleh dijangkiti penyakit berjangkit dan betul-betul menjadi kurang celik.

Sepanjang (hampir) 20 tahun membesar dalam iklim khatulistiwa, saya telah menderma-paksa darah melebihi ukuran liter yang disyorkan oleh Tabung Derma Darah Malaysia (atau apa entah nama betulnya) yang mempunyai ibu pejabat di Jalan Tun Abdul Razak. Semuanya tanpa belas kasihan telah diambil oleh Cik Muk. Saya pasti anda semua yang juga membesar di tanah tropikal seperti Malaysia pernah merasa benci terhadap Cik Muk yang tidak jemu menganggu.

Dan Cik Li? Ya, Cik Li sering menyebabkan ramai yang hilang suara apabila kehadiran Cik Li menyebabkan anak tekak terpekik dan melolong. Saya kurang faham mengapa kehadiran Cik Li boleh menyebabkan tindakan sistem Sympathetic (degupan jantung laju, otot rangka bersedia untuk panjat kerusi) sebegitu sekali tapi saya bersetuju bau Cik Li memang kurang menyenangkan, kadang kala mengalahkan bau badan budak hanyir yang tidak mandi ketika perhimpunan sekolah. Okay, mungkin tidak. Perkara kedua terlampau menggerunkan.

Ah, marilah kita berbalik kepada tips-tips cemerlang yang saya janjikan. Bagaimana untuk mencapai kepuasan maksima menghapuskan kaum bangsat ini? Senang sahaja. Ikuti pembongkaran berikutan. Oh, sebelum itu, biarlah saya umumkan disini bahawa kesemua metodologi benar-benar berkaitan dengan orang yang masih lagi hidup, dan orang yang ada kaitan dengan saya. Jadi, sebarang rujukan sila lakukan kepada mereka yang berkenaan.

*****

Anda vs Cik Ti
Malam-malam sebelum tidur, sediakan perangkap tikus yang boleh dibeli dari kedai apek Apeng atau kedai runcit koman. Hendak-hendaknya yang flimsy (maaf, tidak tahu perkataan Melayu yang sesuai) dan nampak kurang memberangsangkan agar dapat menipu Cik Ti yang semakin hari semakin pandai kerana evolusi (saya tidak percaya kesemua tahi Darwin ini, nanti kita boleh bincang, tapi ayat ini bunyinya lebih sedap dengan perkataan saintifik seperti evolusi).

Jangan letakkan keju, itu hanya penipuan media barat yang mahu mempromosi produk tenusu mereka. Sebaliknya, letakkan sebarang makanan yang anda paling suka. Jika nasi lemak yang dibeli di hadapan sekolah berdekatan, itulah yang sebaik-baiknya. Ini kerana Cik Ti sangat pandai memilih makanan yang dia tahu digemari oleh penghuni rumah. Namun, saya paling mengesyorkan ikan masin. Seterusnya, tunggu.

Cik Ti sudah terperangkap! Apa langkah seterusnya? Ikutilah gelagat nenek kesayangan saya: Jerang air dalam cerek yang bersiul-siul. Apabila sudah masak, jangan segan untuk menuangkannya di atas Cik Ti! Perasaan melihat Cik Ti yang diburu lama itu menggelupur pasti boleh membawa kepuasan. Mungkin ia tindakan sadis, tetapi anda akan berterima kasih kepada penulis apabila hidung kembang merasa kepuasan yang tidak terhingga itu nanti.

Anda vs Cik Muk
Ambil apa-apa aerosol yang ada di rumah anda, tidak kiralah Shieldtox atau Ridsect. Jikalau anda pencinta alam sekitar, cubalah yang mengandungi kurang Chloroflorocarbon atau CFC, walaupun saya kurang pasti jika sebarang kemungkinan wujud. Lagipun, pensyarah Kimia Dalam Atmosfera saya mengatakan bahawa "ozon adalah masalah lapuk sekarang"(sumpah, saya tidak meletakkan kata-kata dalam mulutnya).

Apa-apa pun, jangan semburkan ke udara. Sebaliknya, semburlah pada badan anda sendiri. Abang saya sendiri pernah melakukan perkara ini, dan beliau mengesahkan sukses langkah ini. Walau bagaimanapun, pastikan anda tidak mengalami sebarang kelukaan atau masalah kulit seperti kusta. Selamat cuba, dan selamat mandi!

Anda vs Cik Li
"Aaaaaaaah", pekik rakan anda. Uh-oh, Cik Li alert! Tahan keinginan anda untuk roll your eyes dan sebaliknya bantulah golongan yang memerlukan dengan cara ini: Lari dengan pantas untuk kejar Cik Li. Simpulan bahasa "lipas kudung" itu tidak akan membawa erti jika Cik Li tidak pantas berlari. Jadi, larilah, apa tunggu lagi?

Perangkap Cik Li dengan tangan, atau jika anda golongan yang mudah geli, gunakan khidmat tisu atau plastik. Pegang dengan erat, tetapi jangan sehingga memicit Cik Li sehingga ia mati. Kita idamkan sukses yang lebih manis, bukan? Apabila anda bersedia, cabutlah 2 sesungut Cik Li. Cik Li akan kelihatan sedikit hilang orientasi. Pada peringkat ini, anda boleh meminta rakan untuk mengambil gambar dengan SLR yang tergantung pada leher anda, atau dengan camera kodi Point & Shoot seperti yang dimiliki penulis dan paparkan ekspresi seceria mungkin.

Tapi, itu belum pengakhirnya lagi, saya ada langkah ultimate yang boleh membereskan semuanya. Takungkan air dalam singki, dan kemudian campak Cik Li dengan gaya bersahaja. Anda boleh tampak Cik Li berusaha tekun untuk lari ke atas, dan gagal. Tunggu sehingga Cik Li terapung dengan terbalik, dan anda akan tahu dengan pasti bahawa misi anda berjaya!

*****

Sekian sahaja tips-tips yang tidak seberapa daripada saya. Eh, tidak mungkin lah saya kejam sebegini. Jangan tuduh sebarangan. Saya bakal mengambil minor dalam Pembelajaran Alam Sekitar, tau! Saranan ini hanyalah hiburan dan acahan semata-mata, walaupun keadah-kaedah ini tidak dirangka dengan spontan (bermakna mereka benar dan sahih). Ah, tapi kadangkala adalah bagus untuk melepaskan segala inhibisi, tidak begitu? (",)

Acute Impulsive Compulsive Shoppingitis (AICS)

Disclaimer: The author classifies this as a very girly post. If you're one gungho male who just can't deal with too much girliness, be my guest and click on that red button with a cross at the far end of your screen. Be warned that there are some painful pictures of the ugly author, captured with a kodi camera. If you are not ready for such an eyesore, leave once you spot the pictures coming. If you think this is boring, mampus lah, I'm trying to procrastinate here.

Ahoy, so read on at your own risk.

Today is a sad sad day, my friends. Damage is done. Damage so severe that it may warrant a change in lifestyle until next month, at least. Well, to justify myself, I was abducted earlier today. Sumpah tak tipu. Like X-Files alien-type abduction. Sumpah tak tipu lagi.

Okay, okay, there's no point in lying. I lied to you Pops, when I wrote on your FB wall that "I'm just going window shopping, don't fret, don't worry". I will always be that girl who goes out and must carry a plastic bag home. Hands down, I am an impulsive, compulsive, notorious spender. No, not spender like men's underwear, I'm talking about $$$.

You know that feeling when you eat peanuts or kuaci and you just can't stop? Or once you start munching on that keropok, you just want to go on and on and you feel so dejected that at the end of the day, that keropok will have to run out? These symptoms apply to my shoppingitis.

One step into a danger zone like clearance zones at Macy's, Nordstrom Rack, and the forever-having-sales Forever 21 is enough to set the whole disaster into motion. A single purchase from one shop leads to another and another and another. It's a vicious game, this shopping game.

I see "Markdowns" and I go ape. I pass the handbag/purse section, I must stop, eyes glazed, hands itching to just touch, feel, caress them bags. I see "Take additional XX% off" and mutter to myself, "OMG. Murah gila. Must buy must buy". I pick up a designer dress and force myself to buy it because I never know when it's going to get that dirt cheap again. I receive an unexpected, further markdown at the cashier and that propels me to go ahead and buy more stuff since I "saved" on that item. At the end of the day, I deserve it all: Tired arms, aching legs, and a depleting account.

But pooh, it was a beautiful day today; 10C outside, the sun smiling, beautiful people galavanting happily, weaving in and out of buildings, snapping photos, shopping till they drop. Who could blame me? To make peace with myself, I am laying down my justifications:

1. Shoes here are all babi. Yes, they are babi. No, not that babi, but babi as in physically babi. It's hard to find pretty shoes without pig-skin lining. Alas, when you see a perfect one right under your nose, why not? I must think ahead, think of how hard it is to find shoes I really like, and CAN wear. Besides, a girl can never have too many black flats. For the record, I don't have pointed flats yet.
2. The pencil case was just $9, 50% cheaper than its original price of $18. I was patient enough to wait before (I already saw it the last time I went to Macy's), and this is the fruit of my waiting, okay?
3. I am petite, and did you not notice that it's a big/normal person's world like how it's a right-handed person's world, or a man's world (okay, this one can debate later)? Finding clothes that truly compliments my figure is as climactic as reaching climax. Affirmative. Okay, well, I don't know. But it's close, I think.
4. I can use my existing belts with the 2 dresses I bought. They fit like a T.
5. But wait, so I also bought a belt, right? Well, that belt is super awesome lah. Lawa gila, nicer than the ones I have.
6. The blue, light jumper is great for spring, and who can resist a $13.99 jacket?
7. FCUK dresses for $19.90? Hello?
8. I didn't buy a handbag/purse this time. And one handbag/purse usually accrues to maybe 5 of the items I bought today. So, it's a good trade-off.
9. 2 months, that's how long I've not painted the town red. That also means 2 months of being cooped up in my room thanks to the miserable weather and dealing with shitload of work the College tortures its students with. I deserve this.
10. I've got 2 paychecks and my TMobile money to back me up on this. Besides, I forgot I have money in PayPal. That changes things, by a whole lot.
11. I am now relieved of the burden of doing laundry. I'm pretty sure that I can now go on for 2 months without doing my laundry. Cun or not?

Roadtrip 2008: Reflections

Hello 2009! Here's to wishing that this new year would be a better one, despite that it has already began with mass bloodshed of innocent Palestinians. A moment to pray that justice, strength and Allah's protection be with them *Amin*. Hm, let's for now put the ugly side of the world aside, and I shall do my best to entertain you with some reflections/comments on the roadtrip downsouth I ended 2008 with.

1. Driving along USA freeways, one has to be ready to sight gruesome and abundant roadkills. It's upsetting to see countless of porcupines, hedgehogs, skunks, squirrels, hares, deers and dogs so dead, lifeless and sometimes brutally mauled by the shoulders of the highways. Along the way to Key West, the Southernmost and last of Florida Keys, we even spotted a dead baby alligator as we passed an 'alligator crossing' zone. (I kid you not, they really had that signboard).

On that same journey, there were signs reminding drivers about roadkills and the statistics was truly bad! When the authorities plant such signage, drivers should take caution and be wary of any kind of poor animals that may be wandering on the roads we human have selfishly built over their natural habitats. The heart breaks looking at those poor dead animals. If you don't want to lose your kids, those animals don't wanna lose their babies too. Have a heart!

2. Truckers are one horny group of people, or so I've come to learn. But the fact that some desperate women seek horny truckers to gratify their sexual needs is even more disturbing. I have been told by a believable source (one whose Sex Education knowledge goes up to the 400-s level) that some women hang about at truck rest areas just to "get it on" with truck drivers.

That truckers are sexually thirsty is not quite surprising since some do travel on the roads across vast USA for weeks without any form of entertainment. But the real telltale sign were billboards advertising adult superstores (ie Lion's Den, XXX Megastore) that we observed throughout our roadtrip. They came as far as to advertising discounts and special benefits for truck drivers, and that would imply you know what lah kan?

3. I have come to realize that if I were better in physics, had better drawing skills, and could properly draw straight lines (yes I am sadly impaired) I would have chosen to take up architecture and devoted my life to working on designing themeparks. I have always been fascinated by thrill rides and roller coasters and themeparks, and I just realized how tres cool it would be to be the one behind creating these dreamlands. Disneyworld has truly shown me how far themeparks can go in terms of creating a place where everyone can truly be happy and let their imaginations run wild.

All of their major rides are housed in meticulously detailed structures according to the theme. Haunted Mansion was truly a haunted mansion in manifestation, The Twilight Zone Hollywood Tower of Terror was an old, classic hotel structure decorated to the smallest detail, Test Track was set like a GM car assembling factory. In short, the waiting bit was an important part of the whole Disney experience, and in some cases like the Kali Rapids Expedition, the more significant part.

4. If you are an ardent Gossip Girl follower, you may have heard of "pulling a Jenny", which means one acts rebelliously and foolishly like how Jenny the little Humphrey does in the series. Hm, likewise, this trip has seen to many "pulling an Nj" or "Nj moments". These two terms designate an action that is careless or forgetful and silly, just as how I act sometimes.

For example, Isa "pulled an Nj" when he dropped the coins onto the highway at an Orlando toll plaza, corresponding to this one time during our winter break at NYC last year when I dropped my whole collection of coins from my wallet at a Ripley's Believe It or Not's spiraling coin thingamajig.

The most hysterical incident must be when I myself "pulled an Nj" as I lost my contact lenses in the morning before we left for Key West, and resigning to the fact that it was gone until I found it in my eye that night itself. But really, I even asked Asma whether it was in my eye, and even she confirmed it wasn't. My only guess to fathoming this mystery was that the contact lens got stuck at the back or top of my eyeball because I did give that eye a jolly good rub. *Giggles*

5. Dreams do come true. When I was about 5 or 6, I would pore for hours over the Disneyland map at the back of the Disney magazines I bought, marveling at the wonderful rides and places, imagining how it was like. Then when I was in high school, I had a girlfriend who has been to Disneyland/Disneyworld so many times that most of the towels she used in the dorm were Disneyland/Disneyworld towels.

13 years later, now that is, my childhood fantasy of going to Disneyland truly came true, and I could have bought as many Disneyworld towels as I wanted to! We let our inner child loose and wore black and pink mickey hairbands as a team and clapped and shouted over the smallest thing that excited us there at Disneyworld. Minus me boobies, I definitely passed off as a 12-year old at Disneyworld =P

6. If you think you've seen your fair share of fireworks, you've obviously not seen what they do with fireworks at Disneyworld! For two nights in a row, first at Magic Kingdom then at Epcot, I shouted like a 4-year old girl, eyes transfixed on the display of marvel in the sky. Never in my life have I seen fireworks that form smileys and numbers (countdown during New Year's Eve), colors ranging more than the usual orange, yellow and red (they had purple, pink, red, green, turquoise) and unique bursts of light and fire . . . until Disneyworld.

They spend a fortune on fireworks every single night, that it's not even funny. We wondered whether Disney actually makes enough money to cover its costs (fireworks, advertisement, workers' wages, maintenance, shuttle buses), but then looked down at the Disney bags in our hands and thought again about how much money families spend on souvenirs and food besides the tickets and thought no further. Uhuh, I'm gonna have to survive on ugly dining hall food and refrain from unnecessary, impulsive shopping until March. But we'll see how long this vow lasts. *Snickers*

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The Roundup

Duration: 12 Dec 08-4 Jan 09.

Participants: Asma, Isa, Joe, Khalis, Nj.

Places visited: (in particular order) St. Louis, MO; Nashville, TN; Miami, FL; Orlando, FL.

Points of interest visited: Downtown St. Louis, Gateway Arch; Vanderbilt University and downtown Nashville; Bayfront Park, Key Biscayne, Miami Beach, Key West (Southernmost Point); Disneyworld, SeaWorld.

Chef de Mission: Bridget the GPS bitch

Official song: Cinta di Akhir Garisan (sang in acapella a tempo)

Official private joke(s): Bye tau, 'wak; Marahnya; So angry; Don't haaaate . . . Don't judge; You pay me now, Nurjanni (in appropriate intonations)

Official latihan dalam kumpulan (LDK): Man-watching and calling random people pelac (short for pelacur).

Unofficial mascot: Shamu the Killer Whale (plush toy born and bred at SeaWorld but selfishly bought by Isa)

Car abused: Chevrolet Impala '08, full-sized car rented from National.

Official kokak driver(s): Isa, Asma

Unofficial kokak driver: Nj (driving illegally with Malaysian license, eveready to lie that she's only been in the States for 3 months to get off the hook if anything happens)

Committee
Proposal & Entertainment: Joe, Nj
Photographer: Khalis (cheap labor imported from Burma)
Fast Pass Grabbers: Khalis, Nj (tiny kids to simplify the task of catching up with others already ahead in queues).
Food First & Zabihah lookout: Isa
Voice of Aye & Nay: Asma
PR, Tukang tanya soalan & telefon orang: Nj

Tagging Myself because I'm Pathetic

1.How old are you?
19, but I don't look a day over 15 *buat-buat tersipu-sipu*.

2. Are you single?
Let's just say Facebook had me in mind when they created the "It's complicated" status.

3. At what age do you think you’ll get married?
According to some cheesy Facebook (yet again) poll, I'd get married at the age of 24. I think that's rather too early. *calculates in mind* Think the life plan for me was 25-26. But God forbid, if I don't get married by 30, someone come meminang please!

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now??
*Pause* Pass!

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
As of now, I can only only hope for that person to:
a) be tak buruk, tak handsome sangat. Cannot handsome sangat because if I know people like me they'll be thinking "So mismatched. That guy good-looking, the wife muka terima kasih ajelah". And cannot lah be too buruk, I don't wanna be thinking about Nathaniel Archibald, Fahrain Ahmad or Zizan Nin everytime we pucker up. Haha.

b) be a good athlete, or at least plays a sport. Wah, hear me out first before you readily label me as superficial. This is really the best gift I can give to my kids. I'm trying to give them the "good in sports" genes, since if they were to come from me, alamat boleh main hockey and soccer/futsal so-so tapi tak terror-terror. Or boleh lari long-distance tapi tak jaguh. Hehe. Apparently, I've been on track with this so far, since most of the people I've dated/is dating/was gossiped with are *cough*extremely*cough* good at football.

c) bear arms yang ada urat terkeluar-keluar. I don't mean he needs to have really toned, muscular hands, just that those veins need to be popping out. I can't explain my fetish for this one, but I guess there's just something manly about a guy with hands that look like they've been worked, with time and labor both.

d) (pertaining to the hands again) have jari yang runcing. Yes, this is by far the most bizarre criteria I have (but keep on reading, I may surprise you even more). Stare at my fingers and you'll see why. Nice, long fingers are another thing I pray my husband can give my kids (of course it's ketentuan Tuhan, hehe, but you know, there's no harm in exercising natural gene selection).

e) start from rock bottom and shoot skyhigh. I mean it in terms of career, money, you know, the works. I like a man who has the drive to succeed, and not just going places because his dad is Datuk this or his mom knows Menteri ni. 'Course, if you're Mr. Ka Ching and you're madly in love with me and you don't fall in the second-sentence category, this goes out the window=P

f) be someone who can do housework with me, alongside me. No lazy man in the house for me. Make sure your CV includes cooking experience, because that's one hurdle we'd have to jump through TOGETHER.

g) someone who'd walk hand in hand with me until we grow old and sixty together; someone who won't run out of things to tell me after 40 years of living together; someone who'd still look at me like I'm the only person in the room eventhough I've lost all my teeth and gone all grey and loony.

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Malay weddings are essentially traditional and semi-outdoors if held at home. Hotel for close relatives and friends, home for the whole world! Jemput-jemput!

7. Your ideal motif?
Fresh flowers are in, so that's a yes. Hm, this is too much for me to handle. Susah tau nak think of all those criteria I want in a man tadi.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
A pristine island or beach anywhere but in Malaysia. Maybe somewhere in the Carribeans? Bikini for the man! And I don't want that to happen in Malaysia where there'll be people ogling and pointing at me boobies and whatnot. Heh heh.

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
Anyone who's made a significant impact in my life, sila angkat tangan. You'd be invited to the grand one. Yang kenal-kenalan can ajak for the wedding at the house or whatever.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Depends on who I marry, doesn't it?

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own?
What?? We're Malays and Muslims dude. We do it the Akad nikah way. We've got the guy muttering his vow in one breath, then all the paperwork, then all the "batal air sembahyang" thing.

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
Does it even matter when the real cake would only be 2 layers the most, in most cases? So, I'd choose to make it a loooong bigggg one. Maybe in the shape of something special to the both of us.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
The grand one at a hotel or hotel-like place. Hm, but lauk will be kampung style like daging salai masak lemak, ayam goreng and sambal belacan! Whoppee. I'm going to defy tradition and melantak on my wedding reception!

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
Nikah in the morning, reception at that night or the next night because night weddings are oh-so-glamorous.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Dejavu. Hm, I keep giving answers ahead of the questions. Haiya. So, yes, it'll be both.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
Hell yeah! With the kompangs and our favorite song and all that jazz!

18. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding??
Heh, a girl is never too young to start collecting her wedding playlist. But now that the time has come to tell the world what my songs are gonna be, I forget. Hmph. But Sempurna by Andra and the Backbone, Love by Matt White, The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson are definitely on that list I have somewhere up in my head.

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Hm, a night-person, I guess. Because the darkness would deceive everyone and take their mind off my height?

20. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
I want loud, boisterous, meriah, boleh?

21. What age do you want to get married?
26-27. Tak bijak this questionairre. Bright and keypohci people like me will surely jawab way earlier.

22. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Scroll up to number 5).

23. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Spoon, fork and knife all the way y'all. And hands are welcomed too!

24. Champagne or red wine?
*Gasp* That'd be the end of a Malay wedding if people start infusing this into the wedding tradition.

25. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Right after. Why subject yourself to waiting when you know you wanna make love like bunnies now that you can? Haha.

26. Money or household item?
Money. Definitely. And I'll buy those household items 'cause I just don't trust your taste!

27. Who will pay for the bills?
Utilities? Hubby d-uh. Credit card too, please please *batters eyelashes and buat comel*?

28. Are you ready for married life?
Erk. *Looks left to right* Are you talking to me?

29. Will u always be true to your wife/husband?
Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Hm, but then again, what I don't know won't hurt me either.... Tricky tricky.

30. How many kids would u like?
Tres! And can I have the two be twins? I have banyak twin genes in my blood tau--grandma from both sides and grandpa on mother's side--and you know what they say about this kind of thing skipping a generation.

31. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
I think I deserve a new house after all the turmoil I've gone through. Hehe, bloody selfish.

32. Will u celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
*Squints one eye and garu-garu kepala* I'm assuming this is relating to anniversaries? On top of the occasional no-occasion gifts I'll be expecting from hubby, I of course expect all these anniversaries and would gladly embrace the rings/jewelries that come with it.

33. What kind of cuisine would u like for ur wedding?
Urgh. I don't wanna repeat myself. Read somewhere above.

34. Will u record ur honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
Tehee. Now that's a thought. My kids squealing and running to me after having found 'mama's and papa's *tidak boleh* (I mean, manja-manja lah) CD/DVD'? No thank you!

Why I Shop For Marisa Ahmat

1. Because she's the only one who can understand the love-hate relationship I have with my mother.
2. Because she sees my family's mistakes and, like me, doesn't want that to happen to us.
3. Because I can complain about my complicated family without having to pause and think about how she must be judging me that instant.
4. Because she taught me almost everything I need to know about this crazy life.
5. Because she just understands, no kidding.
6. Because her ideologies have become mine.
7. Because when I was a kid, she'd buy me stuff, belanja me eat and take me around.
8. Because she's my best shopping companion.
9. Because what's in her closet is mine. Hoho, and that means an endless supply of beautiful Mini-Kurungs and fancy kebaya-s for events, cool handbags to show off in front of friends, and different accessories to don every time. Sadly my feet are a size bigger.
   
10. Because she's going to be my wedding planner. She just has to.
11. Because if I die before she does, I know she's one person who won't lie about missing and remembering me forever.
12. Because she boosts my self-esteem by telling me I'm the smartest kid in my family.
13. Because she gave me two cute kids to love and who love me back.
14. Because she'd always send me parcels (I love receiving something in the mail).
15. Because she never misses my birthday.
16. Because she writes me long emails and comments on my Facebook pictures without fail.
17. Because she gives me sound advice, that somehow, just somehow, sounds better coming from her.
18. Because of the one million times just hearing from her lifts me up.
19. Because we're family.
20. Because she's my kaklong, and I'm her adik, and she's got no choice but to stick with me for life.
21. Because of instances like this:

"Yuhuu!!

Sorry for the late late reply!! I've been swamped at work and by the time I get back home, tgk PC pun dah tak selera.. apatah lagi nak turn it ON and go online.. at work I only have time to quickly update my status before my psycho of a boss sneak up on me.. tiba tiba je ada kat belakang I.. hehe freak!!

anyways, here's my 2 cents on the whole Shahrul thingy.. albeit a lil bit late:

1) On Long Distance Relationship

Well what can I say, it sucks.. BIG TIME!! I mean, it's hard enough having a normal relationship, let alone a long distance one.. like I said before, it takes a lot to make a long distance relationship work.. Lots of patience, understanding, effort, strength and etc...

Most importantly, it takes both sides to make it work.. To be fair, he might be dealing with some stuffs with his studies and what not, but he must be pulling his weight into the relationship too.. I mean like, you can't be making all the phone calls, the emails, initiating the YMs semua kan.. at least he must make some effort too.. at least some emails bertanyakan khabar.. and the short phone calls just to hear your voice and etc..

I mean, I know first hand about what it's like to be with someone yg pendiam, so of course we shouldn't expect that person to be a chatterbox like us kan.. but in my case, what made it work was that somehow I knew he missed me as much as I missed him and that even if it was only once a week that we get to talk to each other, it was enough for me.. so you know, he might not have much to tell you about his mundane life as a med student, as compared to you.. dahle he's there at the bleakest place on earth, so maybe you might wanna let it go abt him not having much to talk about... heheh

So from here you might wanna evaluate your relationship and see if he's making as much effort into this as you are.. if it seems like he's not, then maybe it could be for a million different reasons, and at the end of the day, only you can decide whether its worth keeping or not...

2) On Drifting / Growing Apart

I guess the distance can be a factor.. Plus the fact that he's busy with his studies and etc.. And also, people change... I don't know what his problem is not replying to your calls/ emails/ yms like that, but it's not nice lah... i know I would be pissed off..

and if he's saying like you've changed and you're getting sexier pun, it's prolly cause he's changed a bit too.. maybe he's the one who decided he can't take all that sexiness? or maybe he's just feeling insecure cause you're growing up to be a swan and he's so far away from you that he can't protect you or claim you as his girl ... u knowlah, all that shit.. tak paham la me sometimes.. one of the things i like abt abg man (despite all his flaws that just gets to me) is the fact that he doesn't try to change me.. tak kisah la, pakai shorts ke, sleeveless ke, apa ke.. tatau la whether he's just indifferent aka tak cakna, or he's totally OK with it..

hmm, guess you would need to have a long talk with him on the matter.. try to reassure him that it's still you underneath all the cool clothes you're wearing... hehehe or maybe, just maybe, you started to grow more boobs and having curves, that's why he thinks you are getting sexier? hahahah

3) So What To Do?

i wish I had the answer to that.. unlike other people, I'm not gonna say: break up with him? (although i know Mama will prolly be soo happy about it and say "dah agak dah" you'd breakup with him).. but i think if things doesn't change after you guys have tried to iron things out, then maybe it's best if you just let it be..

i guess what i'm saying is, instead of breaking up with him (you don't want to look back 6 years from now and regret about breaking up with this dr yang berjaya, or maybe even think that he was the one that got away...).. i guess you could be selfish, and let it die a natural death.. meanwhile, you can explore your options with other guys or whatever la..

of course, you're too young to get married and tied down.. but you're not too young to have a steady relationship if it's good for you.. and besides, how old is too young to have a steady boyfriend? and how old is too old to be even still dating and unmarried? you know what i mean? some people just start early, and some people are late bloomers.. but it's better than not having started at all...

i mean, if by you having a steady relationship is obviously affecting your life in a bad way ( bad grades, etc etc) of course i would be against it myself.. but hey, if papa can be open abt his kids dating, so why can't everyone else do the same? hehehe

if anything, our mom and aunts not a good example to go by lah.. ingat tak haritu when you tanya i pasal resipi and etc? and when tam got on the phone dia mcm sort of implied that why bother learning how to cook? nanti dah jadi career woman and get paid high enough, u can get someone to do the cooking... boleh? even mama pun masa u tanya tanya wan resipi b4 u balik sana dulu, she said like takyah masak selalu sangat and etc..

scary la these folks.. which i think is one of their biggest misconception.. i think no matter how successful a woman is, she should be good in the kitchen too, so that she can provide for her kids and husband.. i mean, no matter you CEO ke, apa ke, you still have to hormat your hubby and what not kan? i think you know what i mean... and i hope you've seen enuff to know well enough that we should never become like them.. uhuhu...

so there.. i dunno if it helps, but i guess you'll just have to play it by ear... if it all points that there is nothing left for you in the relationship, then by all means, you shd end it... if you've found someone else who's better, then walk away... but if he's come to his senses and wants you back and if you are willing to give it another shot, then do.. it's really up to you and like you mentioned, don't let anybody influence u...

hahah if they say women are hard to understand, then men are just as bad... huhuhu...

okla, too long already... do take care sis!! love you and once again, thanks for the handbag yg i bakal dapat... heheh muahs!!"

For all of the above, she deserves any amount of Coach hobos, Corelle livingware, Marc Jacobs watches, Victoria's Secret body mists that she fancies, don't you reckon?

The KYS Lingo

After much difficulty and the foundering attempt to finish my Econ problem set on Intertemporal Choice, I've decided to practice just that--Intertemporal Choice. Choosing to consume now versus later. Today or tomorrow. This minute or the next. And as of now, you can tell that I've evidently chosen to consume my time for leisure right now as opposed to tomorrow. Egad, economics say I would have less time for leisure the day after (not to mention the interest rate I face, say repercussions in this case) but who is this science to dictate how I shall live my life?!

Suka hati tuan punya badan kecik ini lah to MAKE time for leisure or not. I'm already anticipating the panic state I'll be in come Friday after the Thanksgiving four-day break, so why bother? I believe in the credo "bersusah-susah dahulu bersenang senang kemudian", but "berhen-joy hen-joy dahulu berpanic-panic kemudian" (to quote my cousin, Farah) seems more fun, spontaneous, and more living-life-to-the-fullest. My dad, Encik Ahmat Ab. Wahab would probably exclaim "What for?" (with the slightly raised tone at the "for"). I think the answer to all those times should really be "Why not?". Alas, with all due respect, this time should not be an exception. Why not?=)

Okay, well, that was digression. I really wanted to go down memory lane and talk about the KYS-tongue I horribly miss. I get the chills just reminiscing the way those words caress my tongue; the way they massage my feelings; and the way the phrases tackle the meaning and appropriateness of the context just the way I want them to. There's just so many indescribable feelings/things within the conventional diction, and I'm telling you, this KYS jargon did wonders addressing just that! I can't believe nobody can understand me when I slip into that old, familiar lingo now. Heck, I can't believe I'm slowly undermining the importance of those words little by little, too. Smack myself there! *Slap* So, this shall be a reminder to myself (and a documentation of some sort), of the words we KYSERs used, circa 2000.

1) Muck-off= Dating
This is by far, the most indigenous word to KYSMians, and of course, the most rampantly used=) Origin is unknown, but I can offer that it was perhaps coined due to the nature of the "wrongness" of the "activity"; especially in a co-ed boarding school run by vigilant pak guards, feisty Ibu (warden), "walls have ears"-Cikgu RZ (who is one of my favorite teachers, btw=P), "magically popping" Mr. Rama, Cikgu KZ and Cikgu Shahar.

We, KYSERs in the early 2000s, solemnly believe in mucking-off everywhere from theatrettes, specialist rooms (bilik geog, sejarah, accounts, music room) to the "Tangga Kecemerlangan" and the dozen other tangga-s. And boy oh boy, to be seen mucking-off at the locker area right after Maghrib prayers (tsk tsk tsk) was something one could be proud about, especially if one was with a handsome "abang" or with a hot "adik". Yes, I mean it literally and figuratively--mucking-off can happen between couples, and also pet brother-pet sister relationships. We do it in groups; we do it dispersed but still close (reaffirming "You scratch my back, I scratch yours"), we do it solo. And it doesn't matter what time of the day it is--night or day, going to sports or coming back from sports, after sahur, after exams, before preparation classes, weekends--we had it bad like a case of scabies!

To denounce mucking-off as unhealthy is a one-sided argument. I think part of adolescence should be used to explore this puppy-love phase so as to better prepare one for the bigger heartbreaks in life; not to mention to equip one with the right ways to treat one's significant half. But to harp on that should be saved for another entry on another day.

e.g. "Diorang tu, tak habis-habis muck-off"

"Eeee, jealousnye I ngan you Copieee, bile lah I nak muck-off ni?", exclaimed yours truly when that spirit of "Jom muck-off sama-sama" pervades the mind.

Really, when and where can I now say "Dah lama gila I tak muck-off" and receive understanding oohs and excited suggestions? Those were the days. Sigh.

2) Snaptwist. Jinx. Shut up--said one by one as two people or more exclaim the exact same word at the exact same time.

e.g.

"Sangat!", said A and B, together.
"Snaptwist" said A and B, simultaneously.
"Jinx" said A and B, simultaneously, yet again.
"Shut up" said B, finally ending the awkward conversation.

Does this happen so frequently that there was a need to come up with such linguistic system to address the phenomenon? Yes, absolutely. Scientific studies have shown that females who live together will tend to share the same menstruation cycle (aww, c'mon now, don't cringe or snicker, let's be adults here=P). So why not saying the same exact thing at the same time, and often? Just proves that "Great minds think alike", especially minds who share the same room, sleep on the same pillow, and share the same hairbrush. Ooh, this is one of the things I keep slipping onto with my non-KYS friends only to receive weird looks or even worse, no acknowledgment at all!

3) Abuden--depends on the context
It's not truly a KYS invention and imagine the shock I got when I heard Singaporeans here in the UofC using it. But it's used back then *smiles* and I'll just talk about it all the same. I would say it is used in multiple contexts, one of which is rather quizzically, e.g. "Abuden?". It carries the succinct meaning of "So what do you propose?" or something along those lines, especially when you are striking off different options.

Can be used to express frustration and exasperation too, especially when someone disagrees. Alas, it would be the shorter way of exclaiming "So you think you're so bright, tell us how else to do it lah!" and can be thought of as "Abuden?!!".

Overall, abuden can be used in the middle of sentences to exclaim "then" or "after that".

4) Smarted= sangat smart, great, uber cool, fantastic
This word definitely carries a positive connotation. It's usually paired with "siot", i.e. "Smarted siot", with the emphasis on "siot" to exclaim one's enthusiasm, awe, or interest about something. Ehem, call me perasan, but I really think I was the proprietor of this term in KYS=P It is interesting to note that apparently the kids in Hartamas use smarted to denote "has been", and in a way you could say we KYS kids misused it since -ed does mean past tense (thanks for the additional info, Kimbu).

5) Apekah?-- read below
Uttered alone, it's generally used to express sentiments of dislike. Think "Euw", "You can't be serious?" or "I just can't believe this!". Extremely handy when discussing about the screwed policies the KYS management implements or when bitching about the unbelievable actions of a disagreeable person. And should I mention that this word is accompanied by a trademark in-and-out head roll?

6) Sodom-- Solat dalam dorm
I know what you're grinning about. Owh pooh, I wouldn't be writing about sodomy cases back in school (if there were any) on the web, now, would I?=P I can't even begin to tell you how this word was so integral in our daily lives. Throughout my last two years in KYS (yes, maybe because that taiko feeling of being a senior kicks full drive), I must say I performed sodom 90% of the time. Crucial times when sodom is badly required would be for Asar (because it is right before sports hour) and Subuh (because we woke up just 5 minutes before sunrise and there was no way we'd get our lazy asses to the girl's Musollah). But mainly, just because=P

7) Gebang= "Barks louder than one bites", cakap besar, berlagak
Pronounce it correctly: it's Geybang. Bitching about people never sounded any better than saying "Geybang sial si polan tu". It was a crucial word; a word that channeled one's anger and annoyance towards someone who's owh so standoff-ish. I think you get my point.

8) Sangat!= Absolutely, I can't agree with you more, You got that right
Take off the exclamation mark and it'll be the usual, monotone sangat, which means "very". So yeah, what makes this a KYS jargon is the exclamation mark; you say it just like that "Sangat!". As obvious as it may seem, this term is used when one wants to vehemently agree with a statement. It's more a girl thing than a guy thing, I assure you (before you go thinking that the KYSER guys seem a bit queer).

9) JB= Jilat bontot, direct trans. lick ass, trying to win some favors
You shouldn't be too happy if people say you "JB". It's one of the deadly sins one can ever commit in KYS because we just hate people who JB, and we'd bitch about that person so persistently that life would be hell for that poor fellow. . . Relax, just joking. But generally, we do tease friends for being so kiasu trying to JB teachers, seniors, etc. We don't like it. If you wanna get good grades, work for it, don't JB your way through, no siree!

10) RC= resource center
Similar to the global tendency to "brandize" things, like calling all instant noodles Maggi, all toothpaste Colgate and all plastic containers Tupperware, I used to refer to the library as RC. It took me a long time to get rid of calling the INTEC library RC, and now I tend to slip up once or twice. But booy'all, my RC was better than yours! Hah=P

11) CL= computer lab
Read 10, apply to 11.

12) Mundom= inactive
I have a sneaky suspicion that this word was cleverly derived from "dormant". Kudos to the first person who coined this term, because it shows that careful thought was actually given when coming up with new slang terms! Back then, we referred to boy A as mundom if he was the lazy type who skipped Sports hour or the boy who did not play any sports. Am I being sexist here? Well, I've never actually heard of an instance when a girl was called mundom, but I could be wrong.

13) Pub= Publisiti murahan, cheap publicity, attention-seeking/seeker
Equivalent to Capub in the other boarding schools, pub means just that, "Cari publisiti murahan". If a person is always (and I mean always) seen on stage, getting his/her act on dramas, debates, Union Night (bi-weekly events held in the KYSM Great Hall on Friday evenings) shows, he/she may be dubbed as pub. Depending on the context, pub is not necessarily meant to be a condemnation. We jovial lot actually enjoyed putting up friends' pictures on the board, and teasing him/her as being "pub". Yes, we lived in a tiny community in a small school, we just gotta live with pub, JB, geybang and the likes! Albeit some may allege these kinds of nicknames as derogatory or malicious, I felt that it added to the flavor of being in a boarding school. Heck, I lost count how many times I've been said to be very pub!

Noone else but your