2009 As It Were

I am 24 days late for a closure. 2009 is taking much too long to rid itself from my system; evident from the way I script XX January 2009 on every single leaf of my class notes thus far. Perhaps it’s a Freudian slip and my psyche is not ready for my penultimate year of college. Though I wonder if a large part of it was not for the non-closure and confusing twists and turns my emotions have gone through last year.

So here’s my attempt at putting 2009 to rest.

I ended one long-term relationship after long, difficult deliberation. I patched things up with a friend I once thought I lost, after he surprised me in Chicago on my birthday. I struggled through Economics to get to the part I think love most, only to find myself doing worst at it. I gave a portion of my heart away only to find it returned to me dent and fragile as ever. I experienced, for a period, how cultural, racial and religious differences mean nothing if you care for one another.

I saw my friends grow and am happy that our friendships have blossomed to a new level of understanding. I saw myself grow in ways I am still trying to decipher whether it is good or bad. Nonetheless, I have grown and the more things I learn, the more I learn how little I know. I learned to let go of bitterness of the past and instead focus on the fact that Allah trades one thing for another.

2009, as it were, was a year of reconciliation, understanding with reason and choosing sides for me. If you were a part of my 2009, be it through rain or sunshine, I bid you many thanks. It’s your choice to be a part of my 2010 but know that I have a place for each and everyone of you in my heart. Because a person this small should only have a heart so big to fill it in with a mélange of emotions that keeps her feeling big and stronger.

I turn 21 this new year of 2010. Let's see how I take this one.