KimbeeTurns 21

Hello, kenalkan kawan saya yang tak handsome ini, namanya Mohammad Shazwan bin Azizan. Please get his name right, it's Shazwan with an (H) aitch and not a (Y); dia tak suka orang salah type/tulis nama dia. Namun begitu, Shazwan lebih famous dengan gelaran Kimbu--an ugly nickname I never quite understood the origins of. Budak boarding school memang nama pelik-pelik, and Kimbu, despite it being derived from Kimi Buto, wasn't the worst in its era.

What you need to understand about Kimbu is that he is one of my two oldest, most ancient friends (the other being Sofia). Bak kata orang, we go back, waaaay back. It's now 11 years and counting for us. But if one wanted to be technical, out of those 11 years, we've only really been friends for 11 minus 2.5 years. 2 years in SKBD when we were never really friends, but mere acquaintance, and another half a year in 2006 when our friendship went on hiatus.

Ya, kami tidak bercakap selama itu dan persahabatan agak terputus begitu sahaja selepas saya meninggalkan our fellow schoolmate for another guy Kimbu deemed poyo. For what it's worth, the poyo guy was kinda poyo, but he was a really nice guy. Anyways, macam mana pun, pusing-pusing jugak, we patched things up dan perkara itu tak pernah kami bincangkan out in the open.

But I've never been more glad that day we became friends again. Kerana, kerana, Kimbu itu duduk 5 minit sahaja from my grandmother's place and we've been threading on the same path for as long as I can remember. From SKBD to KYS, from ADFP to the States, from all that to serving a 12-year bond in Bank Negara, you can say it's going to be awfully difficult for us to avoid each other kalau dah kena pandang muka each other for the rest of our lives, kan?
Jadi, walaupun bukan hari-hari sekarang, pandanglah Kimbu dekat muka saya yang berblackheads dan berspek ni, dan pandanglah saya muka Kimbu yang gelap, berkening tebal dan berhidung tinggi, eh silap, mancung. Dan jika kamu ingin membuat speculation kitorang patut just hook up and kahwin each other, please, please don't. . . don't make us puke.

Kimbu has seen me sleeping with my mouth wide open one too many times, and I've seen his lurah dendam if that matters. Kami mungkin serasi sebagai kawan, dan bapanya mungkin sayang saya (although Nasya mungkin lebih disayangi oleh Uncle Azizan), dan saya mungkin boleh tolerate Kimbu dan OCDnya, dan Kimbu mungkin boleh tolerate kegilaan saya, tapi that's all there is to it: kami akan kawan sampai mati, God willing. Kimbu's take on this is somewhat more practical--"our height difference makes it susah for us to cium". Bagus, at times like this I'm thankful I'm ketot binti spendot.

Now let's move on to the more serious matters, that is, Kimbu's severe OCD. Kimbu is very OCD. Did I mention Kimbu is suffering from a terrible case of OCD? Dia ni jenis yang kalau nampak tali bra orang terpintal-pintal, he'd be itching to straighten it. He is the sort of person who spends long hours Wiki-ing songs and syncing the spelling of his songs on the Ipod so that it matches those of the Wiki entries.

Alas, I find it very contradicting that he is such a cincai boncai person when it comes to cooking. A pinch of this, a spoon of that, throw in this weird ingredient, that ingredient, and voila, you get a taste of Kimbu magnificence. Yes, Kimbu can cook, but weirdly, he cooks like a normal guy, unlike his usual neurotic self in other matters. Tak konsisten sungguh.

Tapi yelah, Kimbu ni pandai memasak. Where I can even destroy something as simple as Maggi Instant Porridge, Kimbu can bake a pumpkin pie to perfection. He, along with Nik Munawwar, gave me a tutorial on egg-cracking, that is, after they laughed their booties off at my inept way of doing so.

Another thing we can all come to appreciate about Kimbu is that he is a wealth of information. For those familiar with How I Met Your Mother, Kimbu can be likened to Ted Moseby. Unlike Moseby whose every line uttered is always teaching someone about something, Kimbu comes annoyingly close. But I've learned aplenty from riding in the car with him, and you might wanna try that if you intend to become smarter. I swear, I'm probably 265-information smarter out of the 265 rides Kimbu has given me, heheh.

Tapi cubalah cari nahas dengan Kimbu pasal spelling, grammar and punctuation and he'll turn into the rightful bitch he can be. Cuba lah berbroken English dengannya, and you'll never hear the end of it. Mungkin dia ungkit balik setelah sebulan, mungkin dia letak status memaki hamun aksi itu di Facebook, mungkin he writes a lenghty post about it at shazwanazizan.blogspot.com. Gedik sungguh mungkin, tapi I agree with his sentiments no less.

Kawan-kawan kami juga pernah berbincang tentang satu lagi keistimewaan cum kecacatan si Kimbu ini, yakni dia ingat segala detail pasal segala detail. Ask him which exact seat he sat in the History Room in Form One, and he can point to it in a jiff. Only he can recall random stuff like the Geography teacher asking a classmate to drum on the table, or what someone said about someone 10 years ago. Dan sebab ini lah maruah saya tercalar, sebab saya tahu dia akan masih ingat lagi warna, bentuk, pattern, brand dan SIZE coli yang saya TERtinggal dalam vannya selepas lawatan kami ke PD tempoh hari. Cis bedebah.

Apa-apa hal pun, saya sebenarnya selalu tak sure birthday dia September 20 atau September 21. Ke September 22? Sebab dulu dia pernah mention lagu M2M yang berbunyi "I remember, date and time, September 22nd, Sunday, 25 after 9, in the doorway, with your caaaase" ada kaitan dengan birthday dia. Jadi saya ambil jalan mudah untuk tulis blog post pasal dia, sebab kalau salah hari pun it's still such an honor and oh-so-sweet, kan?

Kimbu--also known as Sazwan also known as Kimbee, who is the cucu of the renowned Pilus (Pilus was a common name on our tongues back in high school, maklumlah zaman-zaman ejek atuk orang)--will turn 21, tak kiralah September 20, 21 or 22. Dan pokoknya, he deserves to be remembered.

Happy 21st Birthday, Kimbu! You're no longer a juvie, sila buat baik. Seribu maaf dipinta if aku tersalah bahasa, musim-musim Aidilfitri ni we must forgive and forget, weh. Minal Aidil Wal Faizin. I lap you, you lap me (though I am still counting on you to discard that obscene, obscene picture of me on stage as Muna)! Sekian, salam sayang jangan lupa potong rambut every 6 months from me.

Eulogy for the Double Eyes

By twist of fate, my life has become intertwined with many individuals who carry the acronym double I. A minutia of my life you couldn't be bothered with, perhaps; but one that brings me a sense of awe over the lucent coincidence that takes form in many lives (namely mine). I take the liberty of coining my own affectionate term for these five people I am sharing/have shared paths with: double eye.


Each double eye, to me, is important and certainly unique in their own right. Notwithstanding my use of eulogy in the title, they are all, alive and healthy, I hope. To say this is a curt tribute to them would not be apt, since two I do not know well enough to be given the privilege to trespass their lives. Instead, let this be my way of reaching out and saying hello to each of them, wherever they are, whatever they're doing.

Meet double eye #1, mother of mine. It is in fact, from reading my mom's recent letter that I am reminded of the especial double eyes I know in my life. On the subject of my mother, I rejoice her re-entry into the world of writing, her re-route to the passage of powerful words and her re-assertion of her two cents upfront. Although I was fed with animated accounts of her adventurous days serving in the media force, I could never truly feel pride of having had a journalist for a mother because my image of her were tainted with a crumbling, depressed one.

I reckon it is my gain on perspective and maturity, and increasing interest in a field that once belonged to her that I now see a side of my mother that merits reverence if not admiration. Yes, now the wheels are turning for me and for her both; her gears moving backward, and mine, forward. Now I see there is a long journey ahead of me until I can dream of becoming half as good a writer as she. Her comments are cogent, her passages, succinct, and her flair certainly apparent. Now, now I am appreciative of her and the inevitable attraction to words that she has borne me with; though again, I can only try.

Double eye #2 not only shares a very similar name as my mother, but also the prowess in prose. It is by sheer coincidence that I chanced upon this young lad's blog, and certainly even better fortune that I have gotten fairly acquainted with him. Perpetually writing captivating stories, insightful verses, and amusing anecdotes that never fails to bring a smile to my face, he is truly something else. A thousand miles between us, we are connected only by the miracles of the blogosphere and facebook; yet my instinct tells me he has a beautiful persona inside out. I may or may not get to know this friend much better; but what is sure is that his cleverly-spun stories will be something I'll hold on to for as long as he continues to pen and touch the lives of many others.

One of my closest friends happens to be double eye #3. Living in a boarding school does this to you: it takes you fresh and naive, lends you time to meet talented individuals from all walks of life (and learn something from each and everyone of them), and leaves you with a canon of friends, but only a handful of good friends you want to keep for life. Rest assured--as attested by the four years out of high school that our friendship has prevailed and in fact strengthened to the point of no return--that she is definitely for keeps. She has been one of my partners in crime (read: gossiping), my keeper of secrets and my safe choice for a day out, and always will be.

Double eye #4 is technically a triple I, but the notion of sets in mathematics would bring you to my logic that Idazureen Ismas Ismail belongs in the subset of double eyes. Ida is a girl whom I've seen blossomed so much over the past years. She is caring, sweet, and bright, a down-to-earth girl who is always there, like a tattoo on your arm. I say tattoo because sometimes you just forget that it is there, but it's always faithfully there, leaping to your attention when there is a need. And that is Ida for although we do not keep in touch as often as we ought to, she is one I'd turn to for some things personal, and vice versa. I wish you happiness every step along the way, love.

I sadly express here that there seems to be an unwanted hiatus (as friction may be too harsh a term) on my friendship with double eye #5. Or at least, that is how it feels on my part. As I thread on this (apparently) unsteady grounds of the 3 year friendship we have built, I accord some of our meaningful conversations to his being a good listener and possessing mature opinions. And I thank him for that. A brother to me in many ways, I am optimistic that he will come around. Eventually.

Who knows how many more double eyes I'll come across in the near future? Perhaps none, leaving me with these five to cherish, perhaps more than a dozen. For me, it is a haunting need and satisfying effort to take a step back and ponder about the different people you meet and see how their presence touches your life. Celebrate life and all it's glory in fate, kismet and coincidences we should.

The KYS Lingo

After much difficulty and the foundering attempt to finish my Econ problem set on Intertemporal Choice, I've decided to practice just that--Intertemporal Choice. Choosing to consume now versus later. Today or tomorrow. This minute or the next. And as of now, you can tell that I've evidently chosen to consume my time for leisure right now as opposed to tomorrow. Egad, economics say I would have less time for leisure the day after (not to mention the interest rate I face, say repercussions in this case) but who is this science to dictate how I shall live my life?!

Suka hati tuan punya badan kecik ini lah to MAKE time for leisure or not. I'm already anticipating the panic state I'll be in come Friday after the Thanksgiving four-day break, so why bother? I believe in the credo "bersusah-susah dahulu bersenang senang kemudian", but "berhen-joy hen-joy dahulu berpanic-panic kemudian" (to quote my cousin, Farah) seems more fun, spontaneous, and more living-life-to-the-fullest. My dad, Encik Ahmat Ab. Wahab would probably exclaim "What for?" (with the slightly raised tone at the "for"). I think the answer to all those times should really be "Why not?". Alas, with all due respect, this time should not be an exception. Why not?=)

Okay, well, that was digression. I really wanted to go down memory lane and talk about the KYS-tongue I horribly miss. I get the chills just reminiscing the way those words caress my tongue; the way they massage my feelings; and the way the phrases tackle the meaning and appropriateness of the context just the way I want them to. There's just so many indescribable feelings/things within the conventional diction, and I'm telling you, this KYS jargon did wonders addressing just that! I can't believe nobody can understand me when I slip into that old, familiar lingo now. Heck, I can't believe I'm slowly undermining the importance of those words little by little, too. Smack myself there! *Slap* So, this shall be a reminder to myself (and a documentation of some sort), of the words we KYSERs used, circa 2000.

1) Muck-off= Dating
This is by far, the most indigenous word to KYSMians, and of course, the most rampantly used=) Origin is unknown, but I can offer that it was perhaps coined due to the nature of the "wrongness" of the "activity"; especially in a co-ed boarding school run by vigilant pak guards, feisty Ibu (warden), "walls have ears"-Cikgu RZ (who is one of my favorite teachers, btw=P), "magically popping" Mr. Rama, Cikgu KZ and Cikgu Shahar.

We, KYSERs in the early 2000s, solemnly believe in mucking-off everywhere from theatrettes, specialist rooms (bilik geog, sejarah, accounts, music room) to the "Tangga Kecemerlangan" and the dozen other tangga-s. And boy oh boy, to be seen mucking-off at the locker area right after Maghrib prayers (tsk tsk tsk) was something one could be proud about, especially if one was with a handsome "abang" or with a hot "adik". Yes, I mean it literally and figuratively--mucking-off can happen between couples, and also pet brother-pet sister relationships. We do it in groups; we do it dispersed but still close (reaffirming "You scratch my back, I scratch yours"), we do it solo. And it doesn't matter what time of the day it is--night or day, going to sports or coming back from sports, after sahur, after exams, before preparation classes, weekends--we had it bad like a case of scabies!

To denounce mucking-off as unhealthy is a one-sided argument. I think part of adolescence should be used to explore this puppy-love phase so as to better prepare one for the bigger heartbreaks in life; not to mention to equip one with the right ways to treat one's significant half. But to harp on that should be saved for another entry on another day.

e.g. "Diorang tu, tak habis-habis muck-off"

"Eeee, jealousnye I ngan you Copieee, bile lah I nak muck-off ni?", exclaimed yours truly when that spirit of "Jom muck-off sama-sama" pervades the mind.

Really, when and where can I now say "Dah lama gila I tak muck-off" and receive understanding oohs and excited suggestions? Those were the days. Sigh.

2) Snaptwist. Jinx. Shut up--said one by one as two people or more exclaim the exact same word at the exact same time.

e.g.

"Sangat!", said A and B, together.
"Snaptwist" said A and B, simultaneously.
"Jinx" said A and B, simultaneously, yet again.
"Shut up" said B, finally ending the awkward conversation.

Does this happen so frequently that there was a need to come up with such linguistic system to address the phenomenon? Yes, absolutely. Scientific studies have shown that females who live together will tend to share the same menstruation cycle (aww, c'mon now, don't cringe or snicker, let's be adults here=P). So why not saying the same exact thing at the same time, and often? Just proves that "Great minds think alike", especially minds who share the same room, sleep on the same pillow, and share the same hairbrush. Ooh, this is one of the things I keep slipping onto with my non-KYS friends only to receive weird looks or even worse, no acknowledgment at all!

3) Abuden--depends on the context
It's not truly a KYS invention and imagine the shock I got when I heard Singaporeans here in the UofC using it. But it's used back then *smiles* and I'll just talk about it all the same. I would say it is used in multiple contexts, one of which is rather quizzically, e.g. "Abuden?". It carries the succinct meaning of "So what do you propose?" or something along those lines, especially when you are striking off different options.

Can be used to express frustration and exasperation too, especially when someone disagrees. Alas, it would be the shorter way of exclaiming "So you think you're so bright, tell us how else to do it lah!" and can be thought of as "Abuden?!!".

Overall, abuden can be used in the middle of sentences to exclaim "then" or "after that".

4) Smarted= sangat smart, great, uber cool, fantastic
This word definitely carries a positive connotation. It's usually paired with "siot", i.e. "Smarted siot", with the emphasis on "siot" to exclaim one's enthusiasm, awe, or interest about something. Ehem, call me perasan, but I really think I was the proprietor of this term in KYS=P It is interesting to note that apparently the kids in Hartamas use smarted to denote "has been", and in a way you could say we KYS kids misused it since -ed does mean past tense (thanks for the additional info, Kimbu).

5) Apekah?-- read below
Uttered alone, it's generally used to express sentiments of dislike. Think "Euw", "You can't be serious?" or "I just can't believe this!". Extremely handy when discussing about the screwed policies the KYS management implements or when bitching about the unbelievable actions of a disagreeable person. And should I mention that this word is accompanied by a trademark in-and-out head roll?

6) Sodom-- Solat dalam dorm
I know what you're grinning about. Owh pooh, I wouldn't be writing about sodomy cases back in school (if there were any) on the web, now, would I?=P I can't even begin to tell you how this word was so integral in our daily lives. Throughout my last two years in KYS (yes, maybe because that taiko feeling of being a senior kicks full drive), I must say I performed sodom 90% of the time. Crucial times when sodom is badly required would be for Asar (because it is right before sports hour) and Subuh (because we woke up just 5 minutes before sunrise and there was no way we'd get our lazy asses to the girl's Musollah). But mainly, just because=P

7) Gebang= "Barks louder than one bites", cakap besar, berlagak
Pronounce it correctly: it's Geybang. Bitching about people never sounded any better than saying "Geybang sial si polan tu". It was a crucial word; a word that channeled one's anger and annoyance towards someone who's owh so standoff-ish. I think you get my point.

8) Sangat!= Absolutely, I can't agree with you more, You got that right
Take off the exclamation mark and it'll be the usual, monotone sangat, which means "very". So yeah, what makes this a KYS jargon is the exclamation mark; you say it just like that "Sangat!". As obvious as it may seem, this term is used when one wants to vehemently agree with a statement. It's more a girl thing than a guy thing, I assure you (before you go thinking that the KYSER guys seem a bit queer).

9) JB= Jilat bontot, direct trans. lick ass, trying to win some favors
You shouldn't be too happy if people say you "JB". It's one of the deadly sins one can ever commit in KYS because we just hate people who JB, and we'd bitch about that person so persistently that life would be hell for that poor fellow. . . Relax, just joking. But generally, we do tease friends for being so kiasu trying to JB teachers, seniors, etc. We don't like it. If you wanna get good grades, work for it, don't JB your way through, no siree!

10) RC= resource center
Similar to the global tendency to "brandize" things, like calling all instant noodles Maggi, all toothpaste Colgate and all plastic containers Tupperware, I used to refer to the library as RC. It took me a long time to get rid of calling the INTEC library RC, and now I tend to slip up once or twice. But booy'all, my RC was better than yours! Hah=P

11) CL= computer lab
Read 10, apply to 11.

12) Mundom= inactive
I have a sneaky suspicion that this word was cleverly derived from "dormant". Kudos to the first person who coined this term, because it shows that careful thought was actually given when coming up with new slang terms! Back then, we referred to boy A as mundom if he was the lazy type who skipped Sports hour or the boy who did not play any sports. Am I being sexist here? Well, I've never actually heard of an instance when a girl was called mundom, but I could be wrong.

13) Pub= Publisiti murahan, cheap publicity, attention-seeking/seeker
Equivalent to Capub in the other boarding schools, pub means just that, "Cari publisiti murahan". If a person is always (and I mean always) seen on stage, getting his/her act on dramas, debates, Union Night (bi-weekly events held in the KYSM Great Hall on Friday evenings) shows, he/she may be dubbed as pub. Depending on the context, pub is not necessarily meant to be a condemnation. We jovial lot actually enjoyed putting up friends' pictures on the board, and teasing him/her as being "pub". Yes, we lived in a tiny community in a small school, we just gotta live with pub, JB, geybang and the likes! Albeit some may allege these kinds of nicknames as derogatory or malicious, I felt that it added to the flavor of being in a boarding school. Heck, I lost count how many times I've been said to be very pub!

Noone else but your