Cliffs of Dover

Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson is a personal favorite of mine on Guitar Hero. Of late, the song reminds me of a good friend and brother whom I won't say goodbye to, just see you later (to use Hanna's words). And I'm telling you, he is sorely missed, by the entire Chicago population, furreal. The Chi knows when the bro isn't around. The Chi thinks he should give Ezamil, Dezerk, Ainul, Kat and I that ludicrous "to the pound" we oh-so-miss. I speak for the rest when I say: One round of Adam-nity for the good ol' times. And one for the beautiful, new life you're leading with Shikin in London. I'm sure only good things will come your way. Good luck!

"Houston, We Have a Problem"

. . . An effing problem with procrastination, that is.

On a less self-denigrating note, here's one of those songs that you just gotta fall in love with once introduced to. On days that just isn't fall but not quite winter, short of hours before doomsday strikes, this is a always a good song for the lonely. Heck, it's a good song for the lonely. Period.

Bopping to BEP, Finally

You may have seen this video on YouTube or Facebook, but I'm putting it here just to remind myself how lucky I am to be given the chance to study abroad, namely in Chicago, The Windy City. You should know that when my brother alerted me about the video this summer when we were lazing about and stalking people on Facebook, I had tears in my eyes. Tears of what? Of joy, of pride, of exuberance, of giddiness, of sadness that I missed it all . . . I don't know.

Although I bitch about the academic integrity, The Life of The Mind and the load of crap my school prides itself on, I am here, aren't I? I'm learning from the best set of educators, working alongside the creme de la creme from the world and over, and I'm living in a great metropolitan that offers me a wider perspective on what is the world. There is something exclusively awesome about getting the chance to be in Chicago, and I can't quite express it in words.

All I have to do is suck it up, hold my head up high, and make the most of my time here, not just thinking about making  the most of my time here.

p/s: I realized my past two entries have been centered around sourness, and I don't even recognize my usually chirpy (albeit annoying) self. I must have sounded unlike the happy-go-lucky person you think you know. But there you go, I guess there is more to me than the smile plastered on my face. But we all have our ups and downs, and I hope you don't mind me dwelling on my such phases.

The morale uplift I get from expressing my thoughts (even if it's a tenth of what I feel, and two-thirds of what I really mean) helps, and your readership keeps me alive and wanting to write, eventhough I don't write as often. Thanks!

The Rise and Fall Fall Fall

It's eerily peculiar that we say we are 'into someone' when frankly human beings can only go 'into' cars, houses and coffins. The transcend into the 'falling' phase is another mistreatment of language, in the most literal sense. 'Falling' in love--a wistful catch-phrase that gets the better of most people who don't know any better.

But time and time again, you hear whispers of the truth, lying beneath stories and layers of histories of familiar faces, of hearts you care about, of lessons learned yourself. Your body tremors with laughter insulated with shame for you see it now--it is called 'falling' for accurate reasons.

It is, half the time, not by virtue of circumstance, space and time, but by failing to watch your step. That is how you 'fall', even 'falling' in love. Failing to find requited love upon 'falling', you end up at the darkest, deepest trench on earth--your aching heart.

Unmistakably, when the zenith of heavens are reached, and all goes well, you 'fall', too. You 'fall' into a rhythm so new yet so familiar, like it was set in stone, as are the moon, sun and stars veiling the universe.

I 'fell' in love with Colbie Caillat's Falling For You, and hard, too. But this is one of those "falling-s" that I can pick myself up from, though, thank you.

p/s: My 9.09pm of 09/09/09 was spent in no better way than I could imagine. I had my regular girl on her special day sans the regular guys, but it was worth every minute lying on the pavement waiting to capture a snapshot of the digital clock turning 9.09pm at the Maxis tower. Oops, yes, we missed Tarawikh. Apa pandang-pandang, haa? JK. Okay, roger and out.

Hakuna Matata

Hakuna matata. There is no problem. Especially if you really want something and you work for it. Sometimes in life, you just gotta do, pursue, harass, try, as hard as you can. God willing, all will come your way!

For example, you may just get a postcard if you harass hard enough for it, kan kan? (If you're reading this, you know who you are=p)

But now my latest obsession comes in the form of a Zimbabwean. Hah! Who would've guess? And if you didn't know, Cape Town is right next to Zimbabwe. So if you know what I'm talking about, you do the math. *Mischievous grin*

Jambo bwana. Nope, it's Swahili, not Shona. But I should pick up Shona, don't ya'll think so? (",)

Walimatul Urus

Encik/Cik/Tuan/Puan/Dato'/Datin/Tan Sri/Mak Sri/Tun/Tin,

This is weird. This coming Friday, I will have been married to a rich, pompous man with a frightening belly for many years now. Complementing him, I will be a pretentious, stuck up, middle-aged woman (perhaps approaching premature menopause) who is devastatingly silly in her speech and quirks. Laugh at me silly as I blow some poor man's ass off with a tiny (but loud) cap gun!

I Will Marry When I Want, by Ngugi Wa Thiong'o and Ngugi Wa Mirii. You are cordially invited.


(This isn't the official flyer)

A sneak peek of my favorite song in the play:

Do What You Wanna Do, Even If It's Fucked Up Haiku

Pimples di kulit kepala

Pimples di leher dan anggota

Pimples membabi buta, merata-rata.

Now rambut ada "body", maybe

tapi kelemumur datang lagi

diikuti debut split ends yang oh sangat terkeji.

Nak baca buku, mata tutup

Dua belas helai by Monday kena meletup

Econ exam hari Khamis buat saya nak masuk chicken coop.

Tak campur Kekasih Malam Ahad

atau falsafah Human Rights dengan masa terhad

dan latihan yang berhari-hari makin die-hard.

Lumrah hidup kadang-kala mati
Esok lusa awak pulak yang rasa nanti

Jemput beri salam dan semangat to me, sini mari!

Show Nima Some Love

Requited love: When it comes knocking on my door, I will carry the sunshine in my pocket. All through life, 28, 47, 60 and all. Or till the day I am six feet under.

Requited love: They should come in droves like my unsuspecting bundle of joy. A child's unconditional love, you see. Why can't we love like that?

It's high time you both blow your aunt some kisses, loves.

p/s: From way up there, you and I, you and I.



p/p/s: This song belongs in my "overplayed" playlist. Think it'll make into yours? Yes, I'm sleep-ingrid Michaelson for a week now=)

Yes, I Know Who I Am

The Feist: 1 2 3 4

1, 2, 3, 4
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless, long nights
That is what my youth was for

Oh, teenage hopes
Arrive at your door
Left you with nothing,
But they want some more

Chorus:
Oh, oh, oh,
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh,
You know who you are

Sweetheart, bitter heart,
Now I can't tell you apart
Cozy and cold,
Put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes,
Who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up,
To one little lie

Chorus

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 and 10,
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 and 10
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Chorus x 4

For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart
For the Teenage boys
They're breaking your heart

I know who I am. I am one of two who has changed heart. I am one of two who has drifted apart. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. But I think I'm ready. I'm ready for the future, for the possibilities, for living life! This is it. I know what I want. I know what I feel. Let's just wait for time.

She Ain't Taking It No More

Dear Ipod Touch,

I know you won't take it well if I play this video for the 123rd time now. I figured I'd do you a big favor and put an end to your misery. Ah ah ah. Momentarily, dear. I shall now transfer my obsession for Selimut Hati onto this space where I can click replay a thousand times instead of letting your cell dry, honey. You can savor this few hours of freedom while I struggle to keep my eyes open at such an unsightly hour now. Run now, my Ipod Touch, run and be free. I believe tomorrow we'll meet again. With Selimut Hati on that overplayed "repeat" mode, of course.

Cheers,

Chhinta itu Susah. Period.

Four boyfriends, four very different people, four different experiences, and four important lessons I've learned.

Through the first, I learned that if he/she leaves you for personal gains and further achievements, he is not worth your time. Through the second, I learned that your first boyfriend isn't necessarily your first love, and your first love is truly your first love when you keep thinking back on him/her although he/she has somehow wronged you. Through the third, I realized that relationships can't work if you can't be yourself in it.

And my latest lesson now is that sometimes relationships fall out just because. There's no reason, no formula, no answers to that. If you can't talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes without running out of things to say, you really have to work on it. "Let not the water runs dry. Let not the words go by. Let not the love fades by". All out the door. Sigh.

So I can't lie to myself anymore. I'm not happy. I may sound bubbly, and happy and oh-so-fine in my blog posts, but I am lonely. I'm getting pimples. And I'm losing weight. Well, a huge part maybe because of the other things I'm going through, but partly because of this. Before I lost you, o-present one, I lost a really good friend. Now it seems like I'm going to lose you too. Lagilah I've lost another place to whine;a number to immediately call and cry out; a person to tell my terribly complicated family episodes; and a friend for me to bitch to.

I don't feel you around anymore. I can't see you looking at me like I'm the only person in the world anymore. I can't picture how you are, or how you look when you act all poyo or make lame jokes. This may seem gross to some (particularly people whom we've had to fight with to be together, and people who just doesn't understand that you don't need someone perfect to be your lover because as long as they have goals in life and love you and can provide for you, they're good enough), but I keep smelling your perfume in campus, and I know that sooner or later I won't get that privilege to be close enough to that smell again.

Then the other day you brought up how much I've changed. I can't see where all that is coming from. Have I really changed? Or have our different perspectives and experiences changed us both so much? I should think the latter. We don't talk anymore because we don't see, do, listen to the same things. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to stay and not know what to say. I don't want to leave and not know how it could've been. Try again in the next couple of years? That only happens in movies, never in reality. Hm, chhinta itu memang susah.

For now, this keeps me happy:

New Soul * Yael Naim

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive

Lost at what to do, (minus the smile this cartoon allusion of mine has on)