Hello, kenalkan kawan saya yang tak handsome ini, namanya Mohammad Shazwan bin Azizan. Please get his name right, it's Shazwan with an (H) aitch and not a (Y); dia tak suka orang salah type/tulis nama dia. Namun begitu, Shazwan lebih famous dengan gelaran Kimbu--an ugly nickname I never quite understood the origins of. Budak boarding school memang nama pelik-pelik, and Kimbu, despite it being derived from Kimi Buto, wasn't the worst in its era.
What you need to understand about Kimbu is that he is one of my two oldest, most ancient friends (the other being Sofia). Bak kata orang, we go back, waaaay back. It's now 11 years and counting for us. But if one wanted to be technical, out of those 11 years, we've only really been friends for 11 minus 2.5 years. 2 years in SKBD when we were never really friends, but mere acquaintance, and another half a year in 2006 when our friendship went on hiatus.
Ya, kami tidak bercakap selama itu dan persahabatan agak terputus begitu sahaja selepas saya meninggalkan our fellow schoolmate for another guy Kimbu deemed poyo. For what it's worth, the poyo guy was kinda poyo, but he was a really nice guy. Anyways, macam mana pun, pusing-pusing jugak, we patched things up dan perkara itu tak pernah kami bincangkan out in the open.
But I've never been more glad that day we became friends again. Kerana, kerana, Kimbu itu duduk 5 minit sahaja from my grandmother's place and we've been threading on the same path for as long as I can remember. From SKBD to KYS, from ADFP to the States, from all that to serving a 12-year bond in Bank Negara, you can say it's going to be awfully difficult for us to avoid each other kalau dah kena pandang muka each other for the rest of our lives, kan?
Jadi, walaupun bukan hari-hari sekarang, pandanglah Kimbu dekat muka saya yang berblackheads dan berspek ni, dan pandanglah saya muka Kimbu yang gelap, berkening tebal dan berhidung tinggi, eh silap, mancung. Dan jika kamu ingin membuat speculation kitorang patut just hook up and kahwin each other, please, please don't. . . don't make us puke.
Kimbu has seen me sleeping with my mouth wide open one too many times, and I've seen his lurah dendam if that matters. Kami mungkin serasi sebagai kawan, dan bapanya mungkin sayang saya (although Nasya mungkin lebih disayangi oleh Uncle Azizan), dan saya mungkin boleh tolerate Kimbu dan OCDnya, dan Kimbu mungkin boleh tolerate kegilaan saya, tapi that's all there is to it: kami akan kawan sampai mati, God willing. Kimbu's take on this is somewhat more practical--"our height difference makes it susah for us to cium". Bagus, at times like this I'm thankful I'm ketot binti spendot.
Now let's move on to the more serious matters, that is, Kimbu's severe OCD. Kimbu is very OCD. Did I mention Kimbu is suffering from a terrible case of OCD? Dia ni jenis yang kalau nampak tali bra orang terpintal-pintal, he'd be itching to straighten it. He is the sort of person who spends long hours Wiki-ing songs and syncing the spelling of his songs on the Ipod so that it matches those of the Wiki entries.
Alas, I find it very contradicting that he is such a cincai boncai person when it comes to cooking. A pinch of this, a spoon of that, throw in this weird ingredient, that ingredient, and voila, you get a taste of Kimbu magnificence. Yes, Kimbu can cook, but weirdly, he cooks like a normal guy, unlike his usual neurotic self in other matters. Tak konsisten sungguh.
Tapi yelah, Kimbu ni pandai memasak. Where I can even destroy something as simple as Maggi Instant Porridge, Kimbu can bake a pumpkin pie to perfection. He, along with Nik Munawwar, gave me a tutorial on egg-cracking, that is, after they laughed their booties off at my inept way of doing so.
Another thing we can all come to appreciate about Kimbu is that he is a wealth of information. For those familiar with How I Met Your Mother, Kimbu can be likened to Ted Moseby. Unlike Moseby whose every line uttered is always teaching someone about something, Kimbu comes annoyingly close. But I've learned aplenty from riding in the car with him, and you might wanna try that if you intend to become smarter. I swear, I'm probably 265-information smarter out of the 265 rides Kimbu has given me, heheh.
Tapi cubalah cari nahas dengan Kimbu pasal spelling, grammar and punctuation and he'll turn into the rightful bitch he can be. Cuba lah berbroken English dengannya, and you'll never hear the end of it. Mungkin dia ungkit balik setelah sebulan, mungkin dia letak status memaki hamun aksi itu di Facebook, mungkin he writes a lenghty post about it at
shazwanazizan.blogspot.com. Gedik sungguh mungkin, tapi I agree with his sentiments no less.
Kawan-kawan kami juga pernah berbincang tentang satu lagi keistimewaan cum kecacatan si Kimbu ini, yakni dia ingat segala detail pasal segala detail. Ask him which exact seat he sat in the History Room in Form One, and he can point to it in a jiff. Only he can recall random stuff like the Geography teacher asking a classmate to drum on the table, or what someone said about someone 10 years ago. Dan sebab ini lah maruah saya tercalar, sebab saya tahu dia akan masih ingat lagi warna, bentuk, pattern, brand dan SIZE coli yang saya TERtinggal dalam vannya selepas lawatan kami ke PD tempoh hari. Cis bedebah.
Apa-apa hal pun, saya sebenarnya selalu tak sure birthday dia September 20 atau September 21. Ke September 22? Sebab dulu dia pernah mention lagu M2M yang berbunyi "I remember, date and time, September 22nd, Sunday, 25 after 9, in the doorway, with your caaaase" ada kaitan dengan birthday dia. Jadi saya ambil jalan mudah untuk tulis blog post pasal dia, sebab kalau salah hari pun it's still such an honor and oh-so-sweet, kan?
Kimbu--also known as Sazwan also known as Kimbee, who is the cucu of the renowned Pilus (Pilus was a common name on our tongues back in high school, maklumlah zaman-zaman ejek atuk orang)--will turn 21, tak kiralah September 20, 21 or 22. Dan pokoknya, he deserves to be remembered.
Happy 21st Birthday, Kimbu! You're no longer a juvie, sila buat baik. Seribu maaf dipinta if aku tersalah bahasa, musim-musim Aidilfitri ni we must forgive and forget, weh. Minal Aidil Wal Faizin. I lap you, you lap me (though I am still counting on you to discard that obscene, obscene picture of me on stage as Muna)! Sekian, salam sayang jangan lupa potong rambut every 6 months from me.
