AIA for My Rainy Days

There are a thousand and one things I have to say about you. Alas, it's disparaging how my every attempt at trying to document our lives together just fails miserably. The time line blurs and the recollections come outpouring on top of one another, impairing my ability to write as coherently as I can. But there is so much this Kid has to say, for her own sake, for her own peace of mind. I'll now pen as my heart speaks, and as my brain reminisces.

Five; that's when my life began revolving around you. I picked up after your stuff, searched for Archie comics for you to read upon our meals, and answered your phone calls. Not too long after, Kaklong embarked to the US, and it was just you and me, always. Do you remember how I would run to the door once I heard the sound of your motorcycle turning at the corner of Pesiaran Bruas? I would be there, with the door wide open, before you could shout for Bibik or break the glass like you once did.

Yes, you were a monster then--giving Wan, Bibik, Mama a hard time--but nonetheless a monster I loved and feared at the same time. I still don't comprehend why that one day you left home as Abang Boy and returned as Abang; but the latter is a term that rolls comfortably on my tongue now. Yes, Abang, Abang. Just saying it makes my heart skip a beat; out of warmth, out of reverence, out of fear.

I would sometimes get the door and hide behind it, pretending to surprise you, but you would always know. After my sekolah agama, or whenever you came back home from your lepak sessions at Plaza, you'd pick me up, twirl me in the air, and hang me upside down. When you put me on your shoulders, I would scream, shout and implore that you let me down; pretending to be disgusted that you act so childishly for your age. Then we would go about with our little game of me stepping on your feet, and walking around Wan's living room.

Which brother creates silly rhymes like "Aaadik kecik, adik hidung besar, jaaangan jadi abang kurang ajar"? Nobody, nobody but you. And tell me, whose brother sportingly dances to the "Handal Yakin Shieldtox" jig with his baby sister like you? Wacky, loony times indeed, but those are what I will hold on to for eternity. You promised to dukung me until I turned 14, remember? I do; because every time I came back home from KYS my first year, I would claim them and you'd grimace and comment that I had grown heavier and you tak larat anymore.

When it comes to being a first class tyrant of a brother, you win uncontested. For years, I have been applying calamine lotion, Clean & Clear pimple gel, Clearasil (whatever ointment of the month/year it was) onto your face and your back. For years, I have helped you on our mutual fight with blackheads by popping them for you. For years, I have walked on your back. For years, I have ironed your clothes and searched for your missing items (because I do them faster than Bibik, anyways). For years, I have let you share and not to mention lose/break my favorite hairbrushes (like the Sailormoon one we both agreed was the best hairbrush ever created, grrr!).

As adulthood pounces on me, I graduated to the position of your full-fledged PA. I run errands for you as I go out on my dates. I write the addresses on the Raya greeting cards you send to people. In fact, I pick those cards for you, don't I? I manage your duit raya give-outs for you. I drive WNC5414 and buy food for you. I call Perodua Servis and get the car serviced too. I relieve you off the task of driving Mama and Wan around. I am your official personal shopper. I make your dentist appointments for you. I accompany you on your speedy, "I-come-here-for-only-one-thing" shopping trips. What would you do without me, kan?

Alongside these years came the heartache, though. For years, I have cried liters of tears as you throw your temper tantrums. For years, I battled with your ke-panas-baran-an and lived in constant paranoia that you would play Brother Extraordinaire one moment and Incredible Hulk the other. For years, I have gotten very frustrated and angry at you at separate occasions and times. For years, I thought I would hate you forever after an episode with you; but I never do.

I never do because for all those years I bawled, you were ready to wipe my tears at different times. When I was at wits end about my college applications, it was you who noticed, and you I cried to. You encouraged me to do things I wanted, and told me not to please others. It secretly pleases me when you pull that frivolous protective brother act if I tell you about the stupid people who gets to me (like that dimwit "No Pok No Pok" Vietnamese salesperson at Times Square). You curse and bellow, and threaten to seek my vendetta for me, but we all know you're just acting poyo. But it truly boosts my morale, knowing I've got you behind my back.

You are popular and cool (yikes, although it hurts me to admit this out in the open, haha) and I feel belittled that I am your complete opposite. But you never cared. You're never ashamed of who I am, of the fact that I am your little sister. And this is why I see how your heart is pure despite all the pain you sometimes bring to all of us. You don't pretend. You are just the way you are (except maybe hiding your smoking, which bewilders me since we are well aware of that since you were in high school, anyways, haha).

If we talk about the materialistic joys in life, there is no dispute that you have indeed been my generous benefactor. My services never go unrewarded as I reap interests and riba' on top of my hard-earned gaji (haha)! All that aside, just the time you put in to drive me places, the places you take us for dinners, the countless times you picked me up from KL Sentral/INTEC/OU/Midvalley/LRT stations here and there, are enough to tell me that you care. Now, what would I do without you, kan?

As I write this, I am missing your antics at home; especially the way you bring Wan's house to laughter as you exit with your infamous "Death to Pak Lah!" salutation. Your entertaining speeches on why and how the goverment is a joke, why I shouldn't vote for BN, and your cunning imitations of Pak Lah dozing off to lala-land are sorely missed and appreciated. All the little patches of things I know about the world is because of you. Thank you.

Although I roll my eyes and incessantly tell you to grow up, how can I not laugh at your crazy ideas like eloping to Golok so that you can escape from the big, hoo haa wedding because you say you can't afford it? How can I not be tickled by your preposterous dream of serving steak and tapai on your wedding day? Or that eating good food to you is "nikmat gila, Adik, like kahwin empat"?

I freak out when you taunt slow waiters with your "Oh, terima kasih. Susah-susaaaah aja, ingatkan dah taknak datang dah" or when you pick up fights with irritating security guards like that one in front of Wendy's at PJ One with your "Aku bagi kau tangan kang, macha"; but these are things that make you Abang. I would give anything to make you less impatient, but nothing to trade you for a completely different brother. Can anyone ever top you, an uncle who trains his precious anak-buahs to call him "Sir" and tabik to his attention? Priceless lah. You spoil us all, you really do.


I can stay this way forever, just being that Kid in your eyes. But one day, I know I would have to let go. And until that dreaded day comes, I am contented with just freezing those moments when you tossed me up in the air; when I never doubted, not even for a second, that you would catch me before I fall. Just like AIA the insurance, you are my Amirul Imran Ahmat for my rainy days.

Happy birthday, Abongs!