Through the first, I learned that if he/she leaves you for personal gains and further achievements, he is not worth your time. Through the second, I learned that your first boyfriend isn't necessarily your first love, and your first love is truly your first love when you keep thinking back on him/her although he/she has somehow wronged you. Through the third, I realized that relationships can't work if you can't be yourself in it.
And my latest lesson now is that sometimes relationships fall out just because. There's no reason, no formula, no answers to that. If you can't talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes without running out of things to say, you really have to work on it. "Let not the water runs dry. Let not the words go by. Let not the love fades by". All out the door. Sigh.
So I can't lie to myself anymore. I'm not happy. I may sound bubbly, and happy and oh-so-fine in my blog posts, but I am lonely. I'm getting pimples. And I'm losing weight. Well, a huge part maybe because of the other things I'm going through, but partly because of this. Before I lost you, o-present one, I lost a really good friend. Now it seems like I'm going to lose you too. Lagilah I've lost another place to whine;a number to immediately call and cry out; a person to tell my terribly complicated family episodes; and a friend for me to bitch to.
I don't feel you around anymore. I can't see you looking at me like I'm the only person in the world anymore. I can't picture how you are, or how you look when you act all poyo or make lame jokes. This may seem gross to some (particularly people whom we've had to fight with to be together, and people who just doesn't understand that you don't need someone perfect to be your lover because as long as they have goals in life and love you and can provide for you, they're good enough), but I keep smelling your perfume in campus, and I know that sooner or later I won't get that privilege to be close enough to that smell again.
Then the other day you brought up how much I've changed. I can't see where all that is coming from. Have I really changed? Or have our different perspectives and experiences changed us both so much? I should think the latter. We don't talk anymore because we don't see, do, listen to the same things. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to stay and not know what to say. I don't want to leave and not know how it could've been. Try again in the next couple of years? That only happens in movies, never in reality. Hm, chhinta itu memang susah.
For now, this keeps me happy:
New Soul * Yael Naim
From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive
Lost at what to do, (minus the smile this cartoon allusion of mine has on)
10 comments:
nj, i dont wanna tell you what you should do. coz i know you've tried your best.
just cheer up.
every cloud has a silver lining.
go find that out.
love you.
nj! what's going on? this post is really not you. i've known you as the most happiest person in this world. But when i read this entry, i could feel how you feel right now. I feel sympathy with what you are experiencing right now. jangan sedih2 nj. cheer up! hidup memang macam ni. i personally always feel lonely even though i am surrounded with many people. i always feel like i have nobody to share my problems with even with my parents. xpe nj. just accept the fact that everything in this world does not last forever. even our relationship with human pun doesn't last forever. cuma our relationship with God yang x pernah pudar buat selama2nye.
haihh(i can sigh all day)
well..chinta itu mmg susah! 100% agreed. but dont worry lah nj. you'll figure out what to do soon enough. don't stress so much lah sygku nj. i'm sure everything will b ok nnt.
hug sket! *hugs* :) hehe
n take care of yourself! pegi makan!!
♥ u!
nj..nj..
don't let the past haunt you
hidup senang lenang sudah
relax la dik ;p
maybe you don't know that our life story is pretty much the same
complicated family episodes? you don't know how rocky mine is
relationship? well, it's all history
of course, ppl expect guys to handle all of these problems very easily
but the fact is, not all guys can do that
by now u should realize that u are not the only one who has to go through all of these things
lepak ok? jom makan ;p
u owe me a story
and please get rid of the word verification.heh
ooh.. people! i'm surprised and secretly pleased that you found your way to my blog! haha.
dilla, muahs!
liyana majid! haha. asal ur blog kosong? u buat kat account lain eh?
hm, sarah, as in sarah ramli? if
you are, gile rindu sarah!
ikrom.. one day we shall have a conversation-over-coffee (though I'll order mocha. haha).
kak day.. haha. what can i say? 1 whole year tak contact u. surely tons have happened. but i'm really happy that u seem happy now. though i know u're freaking busy.
ofcourse! ive been one of ur loyal readers.haha.miss u too nj!
hey. u might not know me but i know u (sounds like im a stalker. sigh).
agree with you. chenta itu susah kadang2. whatever happens, be yourself and be happy. ;)
yeah sure :)
u belanja, i cerita
heh heh heh
nj,
i ter-came across your blog as i was browsing around.
chinta tu memang susah. as i read ur blog, i understood what u meant, how u feel. it hurts, memang.
i just hope everything is alright now. even though we don't see each other that much, i want u to know that i am there for u la. run to me if you need a shoulder.
adrian
(budak uchicago)
Post a Comment